Thursday, November 24, 2005

Going Bump in the Middle of the Night

I was stirred from my slumber last evening by the sound of caterwauling across the hall. We’ve entered the sick season in the Dow home, so I stumbled from the warm comfort of my bed to see what was amiss.

Grabbing Jack from his crib, I proceeded into the living room and plopped in the easy chair to rock my sick youngin’ back to sleep. It looked like I might be up for a while, so I grabbed the remote to see if there was anything on the tube.

Hmm, let’s see. A rerun of "Oprah," which looks to be part of a grand celebration documenting twenty years of polluting American airwaves with raw cultural sewage. Hey, some highlights from the latest Benny Hinn crusade on the Total Blasphemy Network. "Law and Order SVU," "Law and Order CI," "Law and Order"...Dick Wolf is a busy man. An infomercial for "Girls Gone Wild." OK, why do I have this infernal box in my home? Then it hits me: Fox News. I would be lost without the highbrow debate of "Hannity and Colmes" and the punchy analysis of FNC legal eagles Greta van Whatsherface and Andrew Napolitano. And who could get through the day without a few minutes in the "No Spin Zone," listening to the ravings of John Gibson, or taking in the latest jingoistic flim-flam from tough guys Fred Barnes, Mort Kondracke, Charles Krauthammer, and Brit Hume?

So naturally I headed to FNC, where I was greeted by the visage of Neil Cavuto interviewing a network "foreign policy expert" whose name escapes me at the moment. Always eager to hear the latest shuck-and-jive from the War Party, I was intrigued by the headline at the bottom of the screen that screamed, "Iran Building Nukes in Underground Caves." In my mind all I could picture was a series of Bat Caves with a pole installed in the residence of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad that he slides down every now and then to go visit a group of Iranian maaaaddd scientists, working literally within the bowels of Iran to destabilize the entire planet. "Quick Boy Wonder, call Bill Kristol!"

In any case, the gist of the discussion was that Iran is helping to destabilize Iraq (yeah, the Shiite government of Iran is supporting the Sunni insurgency in Iraq. Righto.) and is working hand-in-glove with the North Koreans, a charter member of the Axis of Evil, to build underground tunnels and caverns whose purpose is to hide the construction of nuclear missiles.

The charges against Iran are being leveled by Alireza Jafardazeh, who is a DC-based consultant and former spokesman for the National Council of the Resistance of Iran, an Iranian opposition group. Hold the phone, amigo. Haven’t we seen this sort of duplicity in action before with the Iraqi National Congress and embezzler Ahmed Chalabi funneling phony intelligence into sympathetic outlets within the bureaucracy, Congress, executive branch, and media? Seems like at least a bit of skepticism might be in order.

Yet the ABC News headline screamed,"Iran Is Building Nukes in Underground Locations!" When did the "liberalcommiepinkomainstreammedia" (LCPMSM for short) turn into a transmission belt for warring Middle Eastern factions trying to use the U.S. military to do their dirty work?

So since things are going so swimmingly in Iraq, why not load up the punch bowl and let the good times roll, say the experts at FNC and "journalists" over at ABC? We know that the president joked about taking the war into Doha, turning al-Jazeera HQ into a pile of rubble. But has anyone seen any reference in the American press to this?

Before the war, Bush and Blair were on the phone, presumably giggling like school girls, discussing the possibility of "dealing with" Saudi Arabia, Iran, North Korea, and Pakistan. Oh well, I guess we should learn to stop worrying and get on with World War IV, long sought by Poddy Sr, James Woolsey, and the small gaggle of neocrazies driving the foreign policy bus who have more interest in creating an American Empire and making the world safe for Israel than protecting Americans and our interests.